Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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