I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
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