His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
