you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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