hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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