if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
