my vag is so smooth its legendary
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
