he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
