i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
