btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
