**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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