he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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