omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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