If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
birth control should be required to get into college
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
