so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You ruined the universe
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
