And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
