I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
