well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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