just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize