dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
