Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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