she smelled like a LAN party
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
