Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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