I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
