omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
there is glitter all over my balls
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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