oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
