on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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