Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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