Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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