She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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