I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
