At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
