Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize