Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
