i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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