Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
