): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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