I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
there is puke in my bra ... again
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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