Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
