after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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