Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
