Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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