Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
