I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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