you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
This show inspires me to have sex in space
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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