I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
