I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
