Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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