So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
