We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
