i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
