Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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