You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
