I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We were destined to go to rehab together
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize