His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
