That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Never let your siblings swipe right.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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