just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
