hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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