C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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