There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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