I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
