I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize