I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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