glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I cockslap morals
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Farmville is her only friend.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
