He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
