I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
