HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
